You feel powerless, overwhelmed, and alone, as if you're merely a passenger in your own life. At night, you replay a list of perceived failures: the lack of courage to ask your partner for help around the house, the fear of being exposed as a fraud at a networking event, or the lingering rage after a disagreement with a parent about your life choices. Perhaps you overcompensated at work to make up for leaving early to care for your sick child or laughed off a friend's hurtful comment instead of being vulnerable and honest. You yearn to take control of your life, to climb into the drivers seat, but something seems to always hold you back. 

If you can relate to this, you’re not alone. Shame may be the “something” that prevents you from taking charge of your life. I believe shame originates from chronic exposure to attachment trauma, systemic oppression and marginalization, and environmental failure. I view shame as an unconscious adaptation to trauma that may have helped you maintain connection with your caregiving environment, or even helped you survive. As children, we depend on our caregivers and systems of care for support and survival. Unfortunately, some caregivers and systems of care are not capable of meeting a child’s basic needs, let alone offering unconditional love. It’s too painful for a child to view their caregivers as bad, so instead, children shift the blame towards themselves and begin relating to themselves through shame. If these relational wounds remain unresolved, this shame can manifest itself in other relational dynamics as adults, such as the examples listed above.

An invitation to heal unresolved wounds.

Hello! My name is Kara Hirner, LCSW, NARM practitioner & psychotherapist, RYT-200, and owner of In Flow Psychotherapy.

Let’s get you back behind the steering wheel by befriending and exploring the underlying shame that’s been holding you back from claiming your life. Email me to schedule a free 15-minute consultation and begin deepening your understanding of yourself, resolving old shame, and growing in your personal power.

Telehealth availability for individuals

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UHC, and Cigna

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